Back to the USA

Well today's the day! On Thursday I moved out of my room at the YWCA in Husn (I've been staying in a hostel in a Amman since). Last night, the MCC Jordan team (with the 2 new members of the MCC Iraq team) got together at the Rep flat for my farewell dinner. I just checked out of my hotel and now I'm hanging out at the office until I leave for the airport at 1:30pm (less than 30 minutes).

My flight leaves Amman at 4:35, heading to Doha, Qatar. I arrive in Qatar at 7:15, where I will meet 11 other SALTers (serving in Laos, Indonesia, Cambodia, and Nepal). From there the 12 of us have an overnight flight (leaving at 1:05AM) to Philadelphia. ETA in Philadelphia: 7:55AM, Monday the 21st. From there my father is picking me up (YAY DAD!), and then I am heading straight to SALT Re-Entry Retreat, in Akron, PA. Early Saturday morning my parents (YAY MOM AND DAD!) will come to Akron and take me home.

It's hard to believe that my SALT journey is nearly at an end. I want to thank everyone who supported me throughout this year. I was blessed and touch by each and everyone person who made this experience possible. I will miss everyone I got to know here in Jordan.


A year in pictures, some of which have probably been shared before:

First week in Jordan, at the Roman Ampitheater in Amman with Caleb

Visit to Ajloun Castle in November

Visit to Ajloun Castle in November

AES Student Art Exhibition in Amman, with teachers in November

AES Student Art Exhibition in Amman in November

Ina and me at our favorite restaurant in Amman in November

Lunch at Hashem's in November

At the Security wall in Bethlehem, just after Christmas in December

Decorating an olive tree in Beit Jala, Palestine in December

Petra with Jackie in January

Picnicking in February

Church at the Jordan River in March, with Judith

Visit to Jerash in March (here at the Temple of Artemis)

Visit to Umm Qais in March

Trip to Wadi Rum for Easter in April

Standing in the Red Sea, on the beach in Aqaba in April

Desert Castles trip with Ina and Judith in May

Fighting  Ina for my food at a BBQ in June

On Rainbow Street, in Amman with Judith in July

In King Abdullah Mosque in Amman in July

Getting muded up at the Dead Sea in July

Leaving school on my last day of work in July

One Month... WHAT?

Can I just say something crazy? I have less than a month left here is Jordan. It's pretty insane. Things are coming to a close at school. The students have finished final examinations and are no longer attending school. New teachers are being interviewed for next years staff. The final newsletter for the school year is out. It's hard to imagine that in a few short weeks I'm going to be back in the States. I'm excited to see my family and friends again, though I am sad to leave all the relationships I've made here.

Yateek Ilaafiyah

There are four different ways I can call home: using the phone at my Reps' flat, using Skype if I have good enough internet, using an international calling card, or using my regular phone plan. On Easter, while I was in Aqaba, I decided to surprise my parents with a phone call, and ended up using my regular phone plan since I couldn't find any stores that sell international calling cards. My sister and her boyfriend were home for Easter, so I got to talk to them too. Mom was the last person I spoke to. I greeted her, then suddenly the call disappeared.

Once I figured out that my phone ran out of money, I ran to the phone store next to my hotel to buy some minutes. I wanted to buy 10 Jordanian Dinars (JD) worth of minutes. When I asked how much, the salesman told me 20JD. I gasped and refused. He, in English, claimed that it's tax, blah blah blah to try to get me to pay it. I told him, no, it's never more than 7.50JD for a 5JD card in Amman and Irbid. He relented, and had me pay 15JD. On my way out of the store, I told him "yateek ilaafiyah"- which is basically "bless your work", but something only someone who lives in an Arab speaking country would know to say. All the salesmen in the store laughed, surprised that I knew it. The man who sold me the phone card apologized for treating me like a tourist, since I obviously wasn't.

I was proud of myself. I might not speak Arabic, but I'm getting a hang of the Arabic niceties.

Eid Milaad Saeed!

Birthday cake number 1

A while back, Ina and I realized that we share a birthday- March 23rd (though 2 years apart). We immediately began teasing Judith about how she had to plan an epic birthday for us. And she did- even though she sadly was not able to actually be with us on our birthday due to a medical emergency (don't worry she's fine, she's back in Germany for a few weeks to get herself fixed and will hopefully return to us completely healed soon).

Showing off part of my present from Judith- curly hair products!

The celebration started Saturday evening. Ina and I (because of the awesome planning of Judith) baked our birthday cake, using Ina's Mother's carrot cake recipe. The next morning we greeted each other with happy birthday wishes, then went out for brunch. Afterwards we walked back to Ina's apartment, stopped to buy cookies, and decided to spend the afternoon on the roof, soaking up the sunshine. There we opened up our birthday presents, made use of the nail polish Judith gave us, and relaxed (gleefully interrupted by a friend who called us and insisted on singing "Happy Birthday" to us multiple times in both English and Arabic). After church that evening, Ina's host mother had us over to celebrate and eat the cake we made. I wrapped up the day with a call to my parents.

Surprise cake from the school.

On Monday, we shared the cookies we bought with the teachers and staff at school- then were surprised with another cake and small party by the headmistress and priest. The festivities are to be continued on Friday with the Reps who are taking us to Umm Qais (where Jordanians claim Christ drove the Legion from the man and sent it into a herd of pigs) for lunch.

I could not have asked for a better 23rd birthday. Thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes, and I can't wait to open the presents that are currently in the mail from my parents and Aunt Cathy!

 

Eid Milaad Saeed = Happy Birthday (in Arabic)

Ticket Home.... WHAT?

A few weeks ago I recieved my ticket back to the States! I spent the next two days going through an emotional crisis about how that made me feel- I was happy, and sad, and kind of surprised, and reluctant to admit how soon I'm leaving, while also extremely excited to see my family, and many more feelings.

So here's the deal:
July 20th - Flight from Amman, Jordan to  Doha, Qatar
Alittle after midnight on July 21st - Flight from Doha, Qatar to Philadelphia, USA
ETA in Philly: 7:55AM, July 21st

From Philly I'll go directly  to MCC headquaters in Akron, PA for reentry retreat. Then on July 26th, my parents will pick me up and I'll head back to the Eastern Shore.

Almost Half Way

I'm almost half way done with my SALT term. *insert cliche statements about how the time has flown* The following countdown is not very precise, but I thought it would be nice to show you all anyway!

Countdown:

12 days until the second semester of school starts
2 months (minus 1 day) until my birthday

3 months until Easter Vacation (and hopefully a visit from a friend!)

4 months until Retreat in Barcelona

5 months until the end of the school year

6 months until I'm back in the States

I guess I better start figuring out what I'm going to do after this year is over, huh?

A New Years Prayer

God, as I welcome in this new year, I think of all I have to be thankful for from this past one. I am thankful for my family and friends. I am thankful that I have a family that supports me in all I do, that loves me and trusts me. I am thankful for new memories with old friends, and the chance to make new ones. I am thankful for the opportunity to make friends with different life experiences from my own, and the chance to experience life together for a short while. I am thankful for the strength you gave me to get through the hard times, oh God. The strength to stay up all those hours writing my thesis, and to not let it drive me insane (well, any more than I already am). For the strength to keep going even when the future was uncertain and bleak. For the strength to say “see you later” to those I love. For strength when I've felt alone and lost in this new place and culture. And from the bottom of my heart I thank you God for the opportunity to see and experience all the new places that I have.

But, God, these opportunities make me also cry out to you. As we read of the angels proclaiming “peace on earth,” I cry out to you to make it true, oh God. I look around me, and at everything I've done and seen this past year, and I do not see this peace you have called for. I see young people shooting each other on the streets of Philadelphia and other cities across the US. I see children dying in school shootings. I see women and children being injured, killed, and mentally scared from abuse received in their homes. I see women being blamed for the fact that they were harassed, assaulted, and raped while the perpetrators suffer no consequences from their illegal and immoral actions. I see women and people of color struggling to make it in a world that is structurally biased against them. I see young Black and Latino men getting targeted by the police just for being young and of color. I see Middle Eastern and Arab men being consistently targeted by security officials, just for their race and heritage. I see children who are unable to go to school or play because of violence in their communities. I see children and adults being harmed by addiction and violence. I see women being forced into human trafficking and made to think that that is their rightful place. I see families having to flee their homes, their towns, and even their countries because of war and violence. I see children who will never know life without PTSD, and adults who will spend the rest of their lives dealing with it as well. I see people who don't feel safe in their own communities, because of their race, ethnicity, gender identity, sexuality, or religion. I see people having to go through check point after check point with armed guards and intense questioning, just to get to the next town over or even to go pray at their place of worship. I see people being denied access to their ancestral homes that they still think of as their own. I see governments invading the space and the lives of others whom they promised to leave alone. I see countries spreading their power and influence for their own gain without any mind to the negative effects it brings. I see people dying needlessly, from war and lack of access to medical care or food or water in a world where violence is unnecessary and there is enough food and medicine that no one should be lacking. I see a world where people have lost the ability to imagine the end to violent conflicts and occupations.

God, I cry out for your peace. I cry out for a peace that does not simply end violence, but one that enacts justice and mercy, that erases all structural violence and allows for equity and equality for all, one that allows everyone to live life to the fullest. I cry out, oh God, for you to give us your eyes. For the ability for everyone to see those they deem the other as an equal human being deserving of love and respect. I know that this will not come easily. I beg of you to give your strength to everyone to work for peace and social justice, and not just charity. I pray for the strength for your people to move forward even when the future seems bleak and the world unchangeable. I pray that you remind us that you have already called for peace on earth, and that to work for anything else is an act against you and all of your creation. I pray that we humans stop condemning each other for our differences but love each other knowing that we are in no place to judge.

God, I pray that this new year will be a time of steps forwards towards true, positive, peace. I pray that you give me the strength to always put that first in my vision, and that you impress it on the hearts of others and give them the courage to take steps towards a radical vision of peace.

In your holy name, I pray. Amen.

How Big is Your Life?

How big is the radius of your life? I mean it, think about that question. How far do you travel for work? For School? How far do you live from your parents and other family members? How far do you travel to go grocery or clothes shopping? How far are the other places that you go regularly? You got that mapped out in your head? Great! Now, how many people are involved in that life? How many people do you work with? Are these different from your friends? How about the people you go to Church with? Next question for you: What does the size of your life mean?

Back in the US, I was always working to give my life a bigger radius. When I stayed with my parents, my life wasn't very small. I went grocery shopping at the Walmart that was a 10 minute car ride from my house. The mall and movie theater were 45 minutes away in one direction, the place where I worked 45 minutes in another. My church happened to only be a minute or so drive from my parents' house, but the people who attend come from all over the area. But the town with my high school and favorite coffee shop and my friend's barn was a 20 minute drive away. And most my friends lived even farther. I went to college 3 hours away from my parents house and made my life there for 4 years. The daily life I had there had a physically smaller radius, I slept, studied, went to class, ate, hung out with my friends, and worked on campus. But I had ways of extending that radius. I took babysitting jobs off campus- one involved a 30 minute walk. I went to mall 20 minutes away. I took trains into Philadelphia. I rode horses at a barn 20 minutes away. I took summer jobs in different locations, one in Akron, PA another in Philadelphia, PA. In Akron, I walked around town, and took my car to a coffee shop in the next town over, and met up with friends 20 minutes away in Lancaster. In Philly, my job involved traveling all over the city and when I needed it I escaped to Swarthmore, to my college in the suburbs. I always wanted my life to involve more and new places. I tried to know people in a variety of places.

My life in Jordan is much smaller. I do most of my grocery shopping on the street next to the YWCA. I go to church a little farther up the street. School's farther away, 20 minutes by car, about 40 minutes if I'm walking and taking the bus. But, I do very little in between those two. I sometimes go to Church events at AES. Sometimes I go to University Street for coffee. When it feels too small, I run away to Amman, which is about an hour and a half away. But, all of this is augmented by the fact that I have family and friends that I keep in close contact with back in the US.

For me, the size of my life meant, and still means, that I didn't see my parents very often. Even when I was living with them there were days that we didn't see each other. Seeing my sisters was rarer. It meant that I spent a lot of time along commuting. It meant that I maintained friendships where I wouldn't see or sometimes ever speak to person in weeks, or months. Despite that, I always felt close to people.

In America, I always felt like I had a normal sized life. A lot of people commute to work and live far from their parents and go to school away from home. Sometimes, thinking about it makes my life in Jordan feel extremely small. But, in the Jordanian context my life is actually pretty big. Most Jordanians live with their parents until they get married. It's common for Jordanian young adults to tell their parents everywhere that they go. Often, young, unmarried women need their father or brother to drive them places. It's normal to shop in only a few stores, because customers are intensely loyal. Many of my students when asked about their dream vacation talk about going to Aqaba, which is about the same distance from Irbid as from my hometown to New York City. After spending my life in a culture that appreciates bigness, it's not always comfortable to step into one where smaller lives are common. It can feel like you're being watched and judged. But culturally, it means that people are much closer to their families. Decisions are made by the family. Friendships are made by the family. The people in your life are involved with everything. It means that people are more interdependent- as evidenced by the fact that people always assume that I'm lonely since I don't live with family.

So, I ask you again: How big is your life? And what does that size mean?

Holiday Season Abroad

Judith and I with the Christmas Tree at Church

This holiday season marks my second holiday season abroad. The first time, I was in Belfast, Northern Ireland on my semester abroad.  For Thanksgiving weekend a friend who was studying in London flew over to visit. I didn't have class that day so just hung out for most the day, then we joined my classmates and Professors (a mix of Americans, Northern Irish, and Internationals) for Thanksgiving dinner. We had a wonderfully eclectic dinner on that rainy, cold evening. The whole city was decorated for Christmas by mid-November. I would wander the streets looking at the Christmas lights. I'd hang out outside of City Hall with a cup of tea just so I could look at how beautifully decorated it was. I attempted to not spend money at the Christmas market, which was one of my favorite places in the city.

This Holiday season is a bit different. Thanksgiving was a long, hectic school day. Afterwards, Judith, Ina (the German volunteers at AES), and I hopped on a bus to Amman, where we had dinner with the (Canadian) MCC Reps and another American friend of theirs. We spent the even chatting, with a large focus on cultural differences between the three nationalities represented as well as the one we are all living in. The next day Ina, Judith, and I explored the Roman Ampitheatre then headed back to Irbid. We spent the week leading up to, and after Thanksgiving, making handmade Christmas cards for the school. Slowly over the past few weeks, Christmas decorations have started popping up in a few store windows, especially in Husn which has a relatively high Christian population. Last Friday, Ina and I helped the Headmistress and Pastor's children start decorating their apartment by putting together their tree and getting out the decorations. Last night, the Church in Irbid had it's first Christmas event- the decorative lights were turned on and the children's chorus (lead by the talented Judith) performed.

The Christmas traditions here feel a little different than back home, or in Northern Ireland. There is still lots of Santa, and trees, and lights and ornaments. The children sing Christmas Carols about sleigh rides, and snow, and other things that make me wonder if they even understand what they're singing. But, they're mixed in with palm leaves and sand and other things that feel more locally appropriate.

The biggest difference between this holiday season is that I know that I'm not going home. This will be the first year that I won't be at my parents' house for Christmas, waking my sister up earlier than she wants to open presents, hanging out in pjs with my cousins, and avoiding kitchen so that I don't have to help my mom with dinner. I'm going to miss it terribly, I know. But, I also know that I have some absolutely amazing Christmas plans in the works, something that I few people ever get the chance to experience. I'm not going to talk about it just yet, because things are not set in stone. But for now, just know that I will not be sulking alone on Christmas, dear reader.

A Thank You Note

Sometimes international mail is not the most reliable. Almost a month and a half ago, I mailed out a beautiful stack of bright pink thank you cards to everyone who donated to fund my year in Jordan on the SALT program. So far, I have only heard of one of those cards reaching it's destination. I apologize for the delay, and if anyone else receives their thank you card, please let me know. I am hoping that they did not all get lost in mail.

Since, there is no guarantee that the cards will reach their recipients in a timely manner, I post this blog instead. Thank you! Thank you to everyone who has supported me throughout this process in anyway. Without all of you this year would not be possible. I cherish your thoughts and prayers when things are difficult or when I miss home, and I am in wonder of your support and care during the fun times and the once in a lifetime adventures. Thank you all for everything you have done to help me get here, and I am thinking about you all and praying that God blesses you always.

Sick Day

 So I took my first, and hopefully only, sick day from School today. I've been in bed for the better part of the past two days. I'm taking medicine and eating soup. I've been given camomile tea to soothe my stomach and oranges for vitamin C. I'm still not feeling great, so thankfully I don't have school tomorrow.

Really, though, there is nothing like being sick to make you miss home. When I was finally able to drag myself to the pharmacy I knew what medicine I wanted- if I was in the States anyway but I had no idea if they had what I wanted here in Jordan. So I just asked for aspirin and something for upset stomach. I then walked over to the little convenience store next door, and found some Ramen- which was pretty exciting because that's what I always eat when I'm sick at home. I spent most of today wanting my mom to take of me, and a hot water bottle to cuddle with.

But, there is also nothing like being sick to show you who your friends are. All of my friends here in Irbid, and the teachers and administrators at school, wanted to know how they could help me- if they could get me medicine, if there was any food I needed, if they could help me figure out what caused it. It's been wonderful to know that so many people who have only known me for a short time truly care about me and my health. I'm grateful to have such a loving and caring network around me, even when I'm far away from home and the things I'm used to.

Some pictures from my time in Irbid and Husn so far

The Country Reps and I with some friends of MCC in Husn

The view from my front door.

Hanging out.

Making silly faces with one of the German volunteers.

One of the roads I've been hiking on, this way stretches to oil fields in Iraq.

And this way it stretches to ports in Israel/Palestine.

Pretty view of Husn.

Hiking, Missing Home, and Finding Strength

 I've lived in Husn for two weeks now. And for those two weeks I've been struggling to find my place in this town. I'm a stranger and a foreigner, I don't know anyone. Most of my interactions happen with shopkeepers. Though, increasingly I've been spending time with the other girls at the YWCA. It's still not the same as knowing the place where I live though. I've been a bit homesick this week. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss sitting in coffee shops. I miss going out with my friends. I miss having easy opportunities to meet and interact with new people.

Last night was a particularly bad night. I made the mistake of watching the groups of young men hanging out in town, there were no women out, I was jealous of their freedom. Today, I spent the morning reading and drinking tea, still feeling mildly stifled. I decided to go on a hike to feel more independent. So, I put on my hiking boots and trekked up the hill. I took a big road that I've been told leads from oil fields in Iraq to ports in Israel/Palestine. In total I was out for less than two hours, but it did the trick. Standing on the crest of the hill, with the wind billowing around me, I felt freer. I felt like I could do anything. Even the stares from the passengers in the cars driving by couldn't dampen the feeling. I was doing something by myself and proving my ability, strength, and independence to myself in the process.

The hike reminded me of why I love doing what I do. I love getting to see new places and to try to understand them. I love the chance to get to know people and to start to learn their stories. And to hopefully have a positive influence in the midst of all of that. Yes, some days it's hard, and sometimes I want to do go home and be somewhere familiar, but really, I would not give this opportunity up for anything.

Letter from my Father

Dear Hannah,

You are about to embark on an international career, with a year working in Jordan. You will be departing in the midst of terrorist threats and shut-downs of American and other embassies in many countries. Am I worried and concerned, and do I want you not to go? The answers are, “yes” and “no,” in that order.

How could I not be concerned? I love my daughters, and I even worry about the “safe” one in Charlottesville, VA. Do I want either of you to change your goals and choices in life because of my parental protectiveness? No!

Laughing at Graduation

Both of you are intelligent people, wise (I think) beyond your ages. You have made your own choices for years, and are following the paths you have chosen, for which you have taken very specific educational paths. You are going to do what you choose. That is a good thing.

Why should you not choose to work abroad? I did. For many years. In many places. In the midst of civil wars, droughts, and political unrest. In countries ruled by leftist and right-wing dictatorships, by the military, by (often oppressive) “Christian” and “Muslim” leaders. In extremely rigidly controlled societies, with privileged economic and political classes and extremely poor majorities.

How could I object? My first overseas assignment, 49 years ago this month, was in the Congo, in 1964. In the midst of a civil war. I flew there just days after a group of Americans were taken hostage in Stanleyville. That group included a friend from college (he was later rescued).

We make choices; we have options thrust upon us. We can’t always not choose risk if we want to impact those around us.

Bless you, Hannah. We pray the Lord’s safekeeping of you, and for those around you. Go in peace, and come home, at least for visits, once in a while.

Go change the world. Make it better. Amen.

Love, Dad