How Big is Your Life?

How big is the radius of your life? I mean it, think about that question. How far do you travel for work? For School? How far do you live from your parents and other family members? How far do you travel to go grocery or clothes shopping? How far are the other places that you go regularly? You got that mapped out in your head? Great! Now, how many people are involved in that life? How many people do you work with? Are these different from your friends? How about the people you go to Church with? Next question for you: What does the size of your life mean?

Back in the US, I was always working to give my life a bigger radius. When I stayed with my parents, my life wasn't very small. I went grocery shopping at the Walmart that was a 10 minute car ride from my house. The mall and movie theater were 45 minutes away in one direction, the place where I worked 45 minutes in another. My church happened to only be a minute or so drive from my parents' house, but the people who attend come from all over the area. But the town with my high school and favorite coffee shop and my friend's barn was a 20 minute drive away. And most my friends lived even farther. I went to college 3 hours away from my parents house and made my life there for 4 years. The daily life I had there had a physically smaller radius, I slept, studied, went to class, ate, hung out with my friends, and worked on campus. But I had ways of extending that radius. I took babysitting jobs off campus- one involved a 30 minute walk. I went to mall 20 minutes away. I took trains into Philadelphia. I rode horses at a barn 20 minutes away. I took summer jobs in different locations, one in Akron, PA another in Philadelphia, PA. In Akron, I walked around town, and took my car to a coffee shop in the next town over, and met up with friends 20 minutes away in Lancaster. In Philly, my job involved traveling all over the city and when I needed it I escaped to Swarthmore, to my college in the suburbs. I always wanted my life to involve more and new places. I tried to know people in a variety of places.

My life in Jordan is much smaller. I do most of my grocery shopping on the street next to the YWCA. I go to church a little farther up the street. School's farther away, 20 minutes by car, about 40 minutes if I'm walking and taking the bus. But, I do very little in between those two. I sometimes go to Church events at AES. Sometimes I go to University Street for coffee. When it feels too small, I run away to Amman, which is about an hour and a half away. But, all of this is augmented by the fact that I have family and friends that I keep in close contact with back in the US.

For me, the size of my life meant, and still means, that I didn't see my parents very often. Even when I was living with them there were days that we didn't see each other. Seeing my sisters was rarer. It meant that I spent a lot of time along commuting. It meant that I maintained friendships where I wouldn't see or sometimes ever speak to person in weeks, or months. Despite that, I always felt close to people.

In America, I always felt like I had a normal sized life. A lot of people commute to work and live far from their parents and go to school away from home. Sometimes, thinking about it makes my life in Jordan feel extremely small. But, in the Jordanian context my life is actually pretty big. Most Jordanians live with their parents until they get married. It's common for Jordanian young adults to tell their parents everywhere that they go. Often, young, unmarried women need their father or brother to drive them places. It's normal to shop in only a few stores, because customers are intensely loyal. Many of my students when asked about their dream vacation talk about going to Aqaba, which is about the same distance from Irbid as from my hometown to New York City. After spending my life in a culture that appreciates bigness, it's not always comfortable to step into one where smaller lives are common. It can feel like you're being watched and judged. But culturally, it means that people are much closer to their families. Decisions are made by the family. Friendships are made by the family. The people in your life are involved with everything. It means that people are more interdependent- as evidenced by the fact that people always assume that I'm lonely since I don't live with family.

So, I ask you again: How big is your life? And what does that size mean?